Great Job

I am here to tell you, I love my job. For the past eleven years I have been
working in the heavy equipment industry. Parts has been my specialty. But here recently my job has changed and I have been dealing in more than just parts. I actually like a lot of my new responsibilities, it is a learning experience for me. But every once in a while I have one of those days, and I feel like I have the worst job in the world. Then I remember, there are a lot of people who do not even have a job. So I go back to loving my job again. I am such a goofball.

God bless, Joe

Great Job

"The new phone books are here! The new phone books are here!"

Sorry, I don't know why I thought of that quote from the old Steve Martin movie The Jerk. I guess it is because the new Passion CD is out and it is awesome! I probably I should have named this article, "The new Passion CD is here! The new Passion CD is here!"

If you like Praise and Worship music, you will love this CD. A friend of mine got me hooked on David Crowder, he has a couple of songs on this CD. They are awesome! I love to listen to Crowder. Chris Tomlin and Matt Redman, to name a few more, are also on this cool CD.

There is one song in particular that I really like. It is called How great is our God. Man, what a awesome, awesome song. The chorus of the song goes like this:

How great is our God
Sing with me
How great is our God
All will see
How great, How great
Is our God

There is one part in the song where they stop playing the instruments and all you hear is, I am guessing here, a few thousand people singing this verse. Wow, it gives me goose bumps just thinking about it.

Just think, one day ALL will see How Great is Our God!

Oh yeah, the rest of the CD is very good too. I put a link to the webpage, just click on my article title and it will take you there. So if you get a chance take a listen to it, tell me what you think. As for me, "The new phone book is here!" No wait, that's not what I want to say. I mean, "The new Passion CD is here! The new Passion CD is here!"

God bless, Joe

Link "The new phone books are here! The new phone books are here!"

DUCK!

There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm who was
given a slingshot to play with out in the woods. He practiced in the
woods but he could never hit the target. Getting a little discouraged;
he headed back to dinner.

As he was walking back he saw Grandma's pet duck. Just out of impulse,
he let fly, hit the duck square in the head, and killed it. He was
shocked and grieved.

In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile, only to see his
sister watching. Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing.

After lunch that day grandma said, "Sally, let's wash the dishes."
But Sally said, "Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the
kitchen today, didn't you Johnny?" And then she whispered to him,
"Remember, the duck?"

So Johnny did the dishes.

Later Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing, and
Grandma said, "I'm sorry but I need Sally to help make supper."
But Sally smiled and said, "Well, that's all right because Johnny
told me he wanted to help." And shewhispered again, "Remember, the
duck?"

So Sally went fishing and Johnny stayed.

After several days of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally's,
he finally couldn't stand it any longer. He came to Grandma and
confessed that he killed the duck. She knelt down, gave him a
hug, and said, "Sweetheart, I know. You see, I was standing at
the window and I saw the whole thing. But because I love you, I
forgave you.

But I was just wondering how long would you let Sally make a
slave of you."

I don't know what's in your past. I don't know what one sin the
enemy keepsthrowing up in your face. But whatever it is, I want
you to know something.

Jesus Christ was standing at the window. And He saw the whole
thing. But because He loves you, He has forgiven you. Perhaps He's
wondering how long you'll let the enemy make a slave out of you.
The great thing about God is that He not only forgives, but He forgets.

Author Unknown

Hmmmm, I think enough has been said.

God bless,
Joe

DUCK!

"And God Said No"

I asked God to take away my pride,
and God said, "No".
He said it was not for Him to take away, but for me to give up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole,
and God said, "No".
He said her spirit is whole, her body is only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience,
and God said, "No".
He said patience is a byproduct of tribulation, it isn't granted, it's earned.

I asked God to give me happiness,
and God said, "No".
He said He gives blessings, happiness is up to me.

I asked God to spare me pain,
and God said, "No".
He said, "Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me".

I asked God to make my spirit grow,
and God said, "No".
He said I must grow on my own, but He will prune me to make me fruitful.

I asked God to help me love others as much as He loves me,
and God said, "Ah, finally, you have the idea".


by Claudia Mindem Weisz

"And God Said No"

I tlod you I culodnt splel!

One of the main reasons I did not want to start blogging is due to the very well known fact that I can not spell. My nine year old son can spell better than I can. Sometimes I think my three year old son can spell better than I can. I hated English when I was in school. I loathed everything there is about grammer, except prepositions, I love prepositions!

Anyway, my friend Jimmy told me not to worry about it, the blogging system has its own spell checker. So I decided to give it a try. The spell checker makes it a little more easy but I still have to deal with the whole grammer issue. Jimmy once again reminded me that if I do this blog thing for the glory of God, He would take care of me. Do you know what, He has, and I finally have proof!

The other day a another good friend of mine, yes that is right I have more than one friend, emailed me this article. Like I said, this article proves God is watching over me.


I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt.

My buddy Tim sent me this article. I am not sure if he sent it to me for my own information or if he was just dogging me because he knows how bad I spell. Either way it just goes to show, if you are trying to do what is right for God, He WILL take care of you.

God bless.

Joe

PS. I just realized I cannot do spell checker on this article. So, other than the article, if you see anything mispelled, I ment to do it that way.

I tlod you I culodnt splel!

Wife 1.0

Wife 1.0

To Technical Support:

Last year I upgraded from GirlFriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that
the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of
space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the
product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during
system initialization, where it monitors all other system
activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, BoysNightOut 2.5 and Saturday
Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I
cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of
my other favorite applications.

I am thinking about going back to GirlFriend 7.0, but the uninstall does
not work on this program. Can you help me, please?

Thanks, Joe

**********************************************************
Dear Joe:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a
primary misconception. Many people upgrade from GirlFriend 7.0 to Wife
1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT
program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run
everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and
still convert back to GirlFriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your
system would cause GirlFriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.

It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from
the system once installed. You cannot go back to GirlFriend 7.0 because
Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install GirlFriend
8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look
in your manual under "Warnings Alimony/Child support".

I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having
Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire
section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPF's). You must assume all
responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of
their cause. The best course of action will be to Enter the command
C:\APOLOGIZE.

In any case avoid excessive use of the Esc key because ultimately you
will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will
return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame
for all the GPF's.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying
additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 I recommend
Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0.

Do not, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3.
This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause
irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Technical Support

I did not write it, I just borrowed it.

Have fun,
Joe

Wife 1.0

If you are having a bad day, check these out.

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.




2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."




3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.



4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.



5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!".




6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"




7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun... Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!



8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

I hope these brought a little smile to your face. I was laughing pretty hard at a few of these.

God bless, Joe

If you are having a bad day, check these out.

What do you want me to talk about?

I have been trying to think of something funny and uplifting to write about but I have been drawing a blank. Well actually , I am not drawing a blank I don't know which story to write about. So I have decided to let you decide what my next story is going to be. I will give you a few things to choose from.

Here we go.

1. When I won a roller disco contest.
2. When I came home from college and my younger brother tried to body slam me during a fight.
3. Scaring people with my nub of a finger. (I accidentally cut it off a few years ago.)
4. When I ran away from school in the second grade and being picked up by the police. They thought I was a midget working at a sewer plant.
5. When I was in college, we found a dead lizard on the sidewalk and had a eulogy for it. Then we sent it through the college mail system to a girl we knew.
6. About the time I was working in the college field house. I had to walk through the alleyways late at night by myself. The security guards would always yell stuff at me from the roof tops. Acting like they were the voice of God.
7. The time I made my own giley suit (camo suit) and I hid in the bushes and scared the mess out of my mom.
8. The time my whole family went to a crowded steak house to eat. My mom got up to get some more food, when she walked by me I screamed, "Don't hit me."
9. When I made a little device with three tacks and put it in my co-workers chair. I forgot about it, till the next day when I saw it sitting on my bosses desk.
10. The greatest day in my high school sports career when I picked off the coaches pass in the end zone and ran it back for a touch down. Oh there is a lot to this story.

Pick one. I will put something together in the next few days.

God bless, Joe

What do you want me to talk about?

Name that Movie.

This quote is from what classic seasonal movie? It is one of my all time favorites.

"So, when did you get the tenament on wheels?"

"Oh, that uh, that there's an RV. Yeah, yeah, I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. He took my house, I took the RV. It's a good looking vehicle, ain't it?"

"Yeah, it looks so nice parked in the driveway."

"Yeah, it sure does. But, don't you go falling in love with it now, because, we're taking it with us when we leave here next month."


Have fun,
Joe

Name that Movie.