Did you ever have one of those days?

I know just how this kid feels. 

Did you ever have one of those days?

If Noah lived in the United States today.

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said,
"In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover
the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed.
But I want you to save the righteous people and two
of every living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am
commanding you to build an Ark."

In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an
Ark In fear and trembling Noah took the plans and agreed to
build the Ark.

"Remember" said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and
bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and
all the seas of the earth went into a tumult.

The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping.
"Noah", He shouted. "Were is the Ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me!", cried Noah. "I did my best, but there
were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and
your plans did not meet the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm
and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether
or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices.
Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances
by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from
the city planning commission. Then I had problems getting enough wood
for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the
Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed
the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't
let me catch any owls. So, no owls. The carpenters formed a union and
went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National
Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I started
rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They
objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. Just when I got the
suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without
filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct
of the Creator of the universe. Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded
a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe. Right now, I am
trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity
Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless,
unbelieving people aboard. The Internal Revenue Service has seized my assets, claiming I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid
paying taxes. I just got a notice from the State that I owe them some kind of
user tax and failed to register the Ark as a "recreational water craft". Finally, the American Civil Liberties Union got the courts to issue an injunction
against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore, unconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five or six years." Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to
calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully.
"You mean you are not going to destroy the earth Lord?"
"No", said the Lord sadly. "I don't have to. The government already has".

Author Unknown

If Noah lived in the United States today.

A tale of a High School ski trip. (Original)

2005 High School students Ski Trip. 
Well, I have just returned from a four day ski retreat with 40 high school teens. I am pleased to say that I made it unscaved. But I can not say that for one of the teens.

Katheryn is one of the toughest teenaged girls I know. Let me tell you a little bit about her. She is one of the top soccer players in the nation. She is very pretty, a joy to be around, and she will do anything for anyone. She always blows her horn when she goes past my house and if I am standing outside she will stop and say hello, if she has time. Plus if I don't say these nice things about her she will beat me up, I told you she was tough. But there is one thing I have not told you about her, she has had two knee surgeries, a couple of ankle surgeries, and a finger surgery.

I told you all of that to tell you this. Back to the slopes. I saw Katheryn skiing and thought to myself, why in the world is that girl taking a chance and snow boarding with her knees like they are. You see Katheryn is such a good soccer player, she has a scholarship to play soccer for a college team. But then I thought you can not live in fear of doing something wrong because if you live in fear then it is not living at all. And that is the way Katheryn lives her life, with no fear.

But Tuesday afternoon, something went terrible wrong. It was about 3 or 4 and I was in the lodge taking a break from mastering all of the slopes (OK, OK, I was mastering the green slopes but this story is not about me) when I got the call. Our youth pastor was taking Katheryn to the hospital, she had just fallen and gashed one of her knees. Now when I say gashed, I mean severely cut, like six inches across and five inches up, around her kneecap. All I could think about was her future, what would she do now? She lives soccer. I knew she would be devastated. Well, four hours later I finally got the call telling me she got some stitches and that her xrays look good, no bad damage internally. She goes to a specialist today to get a second opinion. I pray that God answers all of our prayers and gives her good news.

But this is not where the story ends. When I saw Katheryn that night she was laughing and having a good time. As good a time as someone with a bad cut could have. Maybe it was the pain medicine, I don't know. We got to ride home in the car together, instead of on the bus. We had a chance to talk a little and I asked her what if? What if that slight chance her knee is to bad to play soccer again. She just shrugged her shoulders and said, "Oh well. I can not worry about that." I told you guys this girl is tough.

The bible says in Matthew 6:25 - "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food and the body more important than clothes?" Or better yet, Matthew 6:34 - "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of is own."

My challenge to you. Be more like Katheryn! Live every day to its fullest. Do not let the devil get you down. Do not let worry get in your way. Make every moment count.

Katheryn, if you ever read this, "I love you and you are an inspiration!"

God Bless,
Joe

A tale of a High School ski trip. (Original)

This guy doesn't know what busy is.

My life has been crazy the past year or so. This guy doesn't have a clue. 

This guy doesn't know what busy is.

God can use you!!!

There are many reasons why God shouldn't have called you.

But don't worry. You're in good company . . .

Moses stuttered.
David's armor didn't fit.
John Mark was rejected by Paul.
Timothy had ulcers.
Hosea's wife was a prostitute.
Amos' only training was in the school of fig-tree pruning.
Jacob was a liar.
David had an affair.
Solomon was too rich.
Jesus was too poor.
Abraham was too old.
David was too young.
Peter was afraid of death.
Lazarus was dead.
John was self-righteous.
Naomi was a widow.
Paul was a murderer.
So was Moses.
Jonah ran from God.
Miriam was a gossip.
Gideon and Thomas both doubted.
Jeremiah was depressed and suicidal.
Elijah was burnt out.
John the Baptist was a loudmouth.
Martha was a worry-wart.
Mary was lazy.
Samson had long hair.
Noah got drunk.

Did I mention that Moses had a short fuse?
So did Peter, Paul -- well, lots of folks did.
But God doesn't require a job interview.
He doesn't hire and fire like most bosses, because He's more our Dad
than our Boss.
He doesn't look at financial gain or loss.
He's not prejudiced or partial, not judging, grudging, sassy, or brassy,
not deaf to our cry, not blind to our need.
As much as we try, God's gifts are free.
We could do wonderful things for wonderful people and still not be . . .
Wonderful.
Satan says, "You're not worthy." Jesus says, "So what? . . . I AM."
Satan looks back and sees our mistakes.
God looks back and sees the cross.
He doesn't calculate what you did in '98.
It's not even on the record.
Sure. There are lots of reasons why God shouldn't have called us.
But if we are magically in love with Him,
if we hunger for Him more than our next breath,
He'll use us in spite of who we are, where we've been,
or what we look like.
Pray that as Christians, we will step out of our limitations into the
illimitable nature of who God is.
Then our passion for God and our passion to communicate with Him will
make mincemeat of our limitations.

-- Author Unknown

God can use you!!!

No good teenagers. (original)

There are some of you out there that ask the question, "Why in the world does this guy like to treat teens like they are actually human? They are nothing but trouble, they drive fast, sleep late, eat everything they see (especially Taco Bell), talk loud, listen to loud music, don't care for anyone but themselves, and in most cases just generally hate life." Ok, I guess that is true, in most cases, but who doesn't like to drive fast at 1 P.M. because they over slept, while listening to Cletus T. Judd (full volume), eating a grilled stuffed taco, and yelling at old ladies who are driving slow in the fast lane. Not that I have ever done that.

I have many reasons why I believe they are human but I am going to share with you just one. Every year my Sunday School class participates in the "Operation Shoebox" sponsored by Samaritan's Purse . (Except for a year ago, what a bunch of slackers.) The shoe box program is a special project where you take a shoe box and fill it with items you think a little kid would like. You can pick a girl or a boy and choose what age range you would like to help. It is a great program! Thousands of these boxes are done each year and given to less fortunate children all over the world.

One year we were collecting money so we could go on a shopping spree to fill our shoe boxes. Remember I teach 10th grade, I had one boy step up and give forty dollars. I know that doesn't seem like a lot but hold on I am not finished. Good night, you guys are impatient. Think about it, a fifteen year old giving forty dollars to help someone he has never met. He didn't make a big deal of it, as a matter of fact he kind of just slipped it into the bucket I just happened to see him do it. I got thinking man that was nice of his mom and dad to give him some money to put into this program.

Later that day I saw his mom and I told her thank you for the money. She looked at me like I was crazy. I get that look all the time so I asked what was wrong, because I normally had done something wrong to receive that type of look. She said, "What money?" I told her about her son giving the forty dollars for the shoe box program. Then she started to cry. Man, I knew I really messed up then. I asked her the same thing I am always asking my wife, "What did I do this time?" She smiled and said I had done nothing wrong, they were tears of joy!

You see she had not given her son any money. Truth be told, this family was just about to go on vacation. The dad of this family told all of the kids that he would, for the trip, double any money each kid had saved. So by giving the forty dollars he actually gave up another forty dollars. Total $80.00 for those of you 10th graders who are having a hard time in math. haha Now does that sound like a teen who likes himself more than he likes others.

God says a lot of things about a situation like this. I just can not think of any right now. Just kidding, gosh you guys are tough. Some that come to mind are love your neighbor, or it is better to give than to receive, or just as a fruit tree is expected to bear fruit, God's people should produce a crop of good deeds. Math 3:9

If you ask this kid how he feels about the whole situation, he will just look at you like your crazy (I told you I get a lot of that) and say, "I don't know what you are talking about." Man these no good teens, what are we going to do with them? Me? I am going to keep loving them, they teach me more and more everyday how to be a good Christian. The other stuff they do in the meantime...just details.

God bless,
Joe

No good teenagers. (original)

Rules for Life!

Charles Sykes is the author of DUMBING DOWN OUR KIDS. He
volunteered for high school and college graduates a list of things they
did not learn in school. In his book, he talks about how feel good,
politically correct garbage has created a generation of kids with no
concept of reality and set them up for failure in the real world. You
may want to share this list with them.

Rule 1: Life is not fair; get used to it.

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self esteem. The world will expect
you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high
school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait til you get a boss. He
doesn't have tenure.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents
had a different word for burger flipping; they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you screw up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine
about your mistakes; learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are
now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes,
and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the
rain forest from the blood-sucking parasites of your parents' generation,
try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers but life
has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades; they will
give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This, of
course, doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off,
and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do
that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people have to leave
the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Link Rules for Life!

The 7-Ups!

1. Wake Up - Decide to have a good day. This is the day the LORD has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalms 118:24)

2. Dress Up - The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. "...For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7)

3. Shut Up - Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking. He who guards his mouth preserves his life, But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction. (Proverbs 13:3) He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets; Therefore do not associate with one who flatters with his lips. (Proverbs 20:19) Listen to counsel and receive instruction, That you may be wise in your latter days. (Proverbs 19:20)

4. Stand Up - For what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith. (Galatians 6:9-10)

5. Look Up - To the Lord. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

6. Reach Up - For something higher. Always try to better yourself.

7. Lift Up - Your Prayers. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; (Philippians 4:6)

The 7-Ups!

Setting the record straight! (original)

Last night my wife told me that one of the parents in our youth group said, "If Joe ever chaperones a youth event, parents may want to consider asking for someone else." Now I know this person was joking or at least I hope they were joking.

There was this one time when I chaperoned a ski trip a few years back, a mother came up to me and asked if I was the one who was going to be watching her youngest son. I told her I was. She had a concerned look on her face, so I assured her that everything would be OK. But, I added, if he don't behave I will just bodyslam him. Of course I was only kidding. But she gave me the meanest look I have ever seen and she said, "That is what I am worried about." I tried to assure her I was only kidding but she did not want to hear that.

So I am going to set the record straight and put everything on the table. After today people will either except me for the jokesterI am or not. It is as simple as that. As my favorite college science professor always said, "If you don't hate the Russians by the end of this lesson, I have failed in my objectives." Wait...That was one of his quotes, but not the one I need for this article. Anyway, let me get started.

1. Yes. I did melt candy bars and put them into diapers then have the kids taste the chocolate to see if they could guess what kind of candy bar it was. What? They were CLEAN diapers.

2. No. I did not run over the associate pastor's son with the car. That was someone else. It was just his foot, it was an accident, and he is OK.

3. Yes. I did have a live cricket spitting contest. Yes, the youth pastor's wife walked out because she was getting sick. But the Bible does say that people in the Old Testament used to eat crickets, locus and such. Yes, a tenth grade girl did win, GO Courtney!

4. No. I did not "borrow" any of Gabe's stuff. Gabe is our associate youth pastor. Someone else borrowed that stuff. I may have had a hand in a cyber prank though. I did come up with the name of the website "wehavegabesstuff.com." I did have a voice changing computer program that I used to leave Gabe a robot voice message . And I DID make the guys give Gabe his stuff back.

5. Yes. I did let my Sunday school class photocopy their face last year for us to make a bulletin board in our SS classroom. I supervised it and made sure everyone closed their eyes, so no one would get hurt. I am not the one who let them do it this year.

6. No. I did not fall into the hot tub at the ski trip two years ago. I was just testing the water.

7. Yes. I did seek revenge on one the 11th grade Sunday school teacher. I did nothing to provoke an attack on the trees at my place of residence with a soft tissue like substance. After watching Lord of the Rings, I felt compassion for my trees and decided to help them out. So with the help of MY SS class, we did get satellite pictures of her house. We made a couple of reconassice missions. We had acquired the help of a spy, an 11th grader, who to this day no one except me and a few other very reliable friends know their true identity. The mission fail because someone talked. The 11th grade SS teacher got the wrong person. But I learned my lesson, vengeance is mine saith the Lord.

8. No. I did not think of the practical joke at this years high school retreat. But, I did help remove one of the toilet seats in one of the girl cabins. It was before the girls got there and I did make sure it was put back into its proper place. Of course it took a couple of hours for us to remember where we put it.

9. Yes. I did have a bobbing for Spam contest. Yes, a 10th grade girl won again. Courtney is my hero!

10. Yes. I did put a dirty pair of underwear in Gabe's mouth. Let me explain. We were at World Changers sleeping in the Gym with 75 other guys. Gabe found this pair of underwear that had been laying on the floor. I noticed the underwear a few days earlier but I was not going to mess with them, I thought that they belonged to one of the guys. Well, long story short, Gabe attacked me with them. I took them from him and put them on his head. I could not help he was yelling and some of the cotton touched his teeth. That is my story and I am sticking to it.

Now, if there are stories out there about me and you have any questions about them, please email me and ask. I will tell you the whole true story.

Let me add one more thing. This is not a joke, it is very serious. Please believe me when I tell you this. I would never, ever, ever let anything happen to any youth I am watching. Or any youth for that matter. I love these kids and it would kill me if anything ever happened to them.

God Bless,
Joe

Setting the record straight! (original)

The Room

The Room

"The Room," the Touching Story Written By a 17-year-old Boy Just Before His Death-Fiction!

Summary of eRumor: This long email is in two parts.

The first part describes 17-year-old-Brian Moore, a student who was a part of a group of Christian athletes. In preparation for leading a discussion at one of the meetings, he wrote an essay that he titled "The Room." Two months later, Brian was dead. He had a traffic accident, which he survived, but was electrocuted when he stepped on some downed power lines. The remainder of the first part of the email talks about what a quality guy Brian was and how much it meant to have "The Room" as a part of his legacy. The second part of the email is the essay itself, a very moving description of a dream in which he experiences a sobering review of his life and a powerful encounter with Jesus Christ.The Truth: "The Room" was actually written by speaker and author Joshua Harris and is in his book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." He says it was something that he put on paper as the result of a dream he had while in Puerto Rico for the 1995 Billy Graham Crusade and published in his magazine the same year. Interestingly, Brian Moore was also real. He did attend the high school described in the eRumor and lost his life as the result of a traffic accident shortly after having presented "The Room" for the meeting of Christian athletes. His friends and family believed that he had written it and the story about Brian was passed along to others sincerely. Joshua Harris told TruthOrFiction.com that he appreciates people getting the facts straight about the origins of "The Room" but is more concerned that people hear the message of the story than knowing who actually wrote it. A real example of the story as it has been circulated:THE ROOM

About The Author

Procrastinating as usual, 17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time towrite something for the Fellowship of Christian Athletes meeting. It was his turn to lead the discussion. So he sat down and wrote.

He showed the essay titled "The Room" to his mother, Beth, before he headedout the door. "I wowed 'em," he later told his father Bruce. "It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote." It was also the last.

Brian's parents had forgotten about the essay when a cousin found it while cleaning out the teenager's locker at Teays Valley High school.

Brian had been dead only hours, but his parents desperately wanted everypiece of his life near them-the crepe paper that had adorned his locker during his senior football season, note from classmates and teachers, his homework.

Only two months before, he had handwritten the essay about encountering Jesus in a file room full of cards detailing every moment of the teen's life.

But it was only after Brian's death that Beth and Bruce Moore realized that their son had described his view of heaven. "It makes such an impact thatpeople want to share it. You feel like you are there," Mr. Moore said.

Brian Moore died May 27, 1997-the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted. Brian seemed to excel at everything he did. He was an honor student. He told his parents he loved them "a hundred times a day", Mrs. Moore said. He was a star wide receiver for the Teays Valley football team and had earned a four-year scholarship to Capital University in Columbus because of his athletic and academic abilities. He took it upon himself to learn how
to help a fellow student who used a wheelchair at school. During one homecoming ceremony, Brian walked on his tiptoes so the girl he was escorting wouldn't be embarrassed about being taller than he was. He adored his kid brother, Bruce, now 14. He often escorted his grandmother Evelyn Moore, who lives in Columbus to church. "I always called him the deep thinker," Evelyn Moore said of her eldest grandson.

Two years after his death, his family still struggles to understand why Brian was taken from them. They find comfort at the cemetery where Brian is buried, just a few blocks from their home. They visit daily. A candle and dozens of silk and real flowers keep vigil over the graveside. The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. "I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it," Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. "I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him again someday,"Mrs.Moore said. "I just hurt so bad now."

The Story:

17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like. "I wowed "em," he later told his father, Bruce. "It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote." It also was the last. Brian's parents had forgotten about the essay when a cousin found it while cleaning out the teenager's locker at Teary Valley High School. Brian had been dead only hours, but his parents desperately wanted every piece of his life near them - notes from classmates and teachers, his homework. Only two months before, he had handwritten the essay about encountering Jesus in a file room full of cards detailing every moment of the teen's life. But it was only after Brian's death that Beth and Bruce Moore realized that their son had described his view of heaven. It makes such an impact that people want to share it. "You feel like you are there" Mr. Moore said. Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County, MS. and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted. The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. "I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it," Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. "I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him."

Brian's Essay: The Room...

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings.

As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I Have Betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. "Books I Have Read,""Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I Have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed At." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've Yelled At My Brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.

Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it bepossible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I Have Watched", I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had beenrecorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have todestroy them!"

In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out along, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it.

The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came.

I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moment I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted, rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished."

I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

Hey, I know I told you that I was going to put stuff on my blog that was fun, but sometimes a story just hits you the right way. Guys, there are still cards to be written. What are yours going to say?

God bless,
Joe

The Room

Do these shoes go with this skirt? (original)

Seth and Dusty will do anything to help a teacher. A Sunday school teacher asked them if they would dress up and do a skit for a Bible study, they did not hesitate. I am not just sure if they wanted to help their teacher that much or they just wanted to try on some new clothes.

Do these shoes go with this skirt? (original)

Answers to the World easiest quiz.

Since no one wanted to take a chance and answer the questions, I figured I would go ahead and post them for you.

World's easiest quiz
(Passing requires only 4 correct answers from the 10 questions below)



ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get catgut?

Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name?

Albert

8) What color is a purple finch?

Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Orange, of course.

Answers to the World easiest quiz.

Real Church Bulletins

They're Back! Church Bulletin Bloopers: Thank God for church officials with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.


Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.

"The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid ofthose things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget yourhusbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self-esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

I would like to thank my buddy Tim for sending these to me. I hope this made your day a little brighter.

God bless,
Joe

Real Church Bulletins

Don't judge a teen by the sandals he wears. (original)

I know you have heard the saying, "Never judge a book buy its cover." Well I am going to take this a step further. Never judge a teen by the sandals he wears. Let me try to clarify. I teach 10th grade Sunday school. I think it was the first Sunday of the second year of teaching at my current church when I first got to meet him. I had seen him around but I really did not pay him much attention, until that first Sunday. I guess what made him stand out was that he was 10 minutes late to the 11 o'clock SS class. But then I got a good look at him. Uncombed hair, wrinkled shirt, cut off camo shorts with the strings still hanging off of them, and sandals. AT CHURCH. ON SUNDAY! I am thinking to myself, who in the world is this kid. So I started watching him. Over the next few weeks I noticed this guy was friends with everyone. I also noticed he was always late to my class. But the thing I noticed most was this guy LOVES the Lord! It wasn't the big things he did, it was the small things. I saw him many times thank God for his food. So what, you say, all kids that go to church do that. He did this when people were not around, when no one was watching. He respected his mom and dad. I noticed that he would always take time with guys who were smaller than he was or with people who no one else would even give the time of day to. Even if it was just to say hello or a high five. I really started to get to know this kid and I liked him, a lot. He and I had a lot in common, you see, I have a secret. I too was a tardy-church-goer-type-person. Of course I have had an excuse, it was my wife's fault. So we started having a little contest between the two of us. We would get a point for whichever one of us got to church first. I think this is where my reputation with the parents was started. You see people were already talking about me being a big kid. They were right of course, but a deacon has another type of reputation to uphold too. There is another story of why people were saying I was a big kid but I will save that for later. Back to the story, after about six weeks into our little contest, I think we were tied. We had both beaten other person three times each. On the seventh Sunday we were both late, we both walked into the narthex of our church through different doors. We saw each other at the same time, we stopped, looked at each other then at the door to the sanctuary, then back at each other, then back at the door. That's when it happened, we both took off for the door, not running but at a face-paced walk. Of course we walked, I know I am not the only person who has been yelled at for running in church! I beat him by a half a step, I put my foot in just in front of him. I BEAT HIM, HAHA HAHA. I BEAT HIM. That is what I was screaming in my mind as I was giving him the In-Your-Face stare of shame. But my victory was short lived, just as I turned around to go into the sanctuary there stood one of those parents who I was trying to keep my true identity hidden from. Well, it confirmed her suspicions and she told me so. "You are the biggest kid I have ever seen," was her only words. I don't know if she was kidding or if she was serious because she never smiled. Oh well. Anyway, that teen turned out to be one of my favorite students. Sandals, cut off shorts and all.

I learned a valuable lesson that year, always give these kids a chance. Do not judge them before you get to know them. I think you will be pleasantly surprised and get a blessing from God too.

God bless,

Joe

Don't judge a teen by the sandals he wears. (original)

Worlds easiest quiz

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get catgut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?


If you are brave enough, you can post your answers in the comment section. I will post the answers in a day or two.
Joe

Worlds easiest quiz