Being a Christian in today's world is very hard. But do not let that scare you, anything worthwhile is worth working for. Being a Christian can be hard but it can also be fun. That is my objective, through my own stories, stories of my friends and a lot of plagiarism (Just kidding, only a little plagiarism.), I am going to show that you can be a Christian and still have fun!

the most wasted of all days is one without
laughter - e e cummings

Saturday, February 26, 2005

  If Noah lived in the United States today.

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said,
"In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover
the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed.
But I want you to save the righteous people and two
of every living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am
commanding you to build an Ark."

In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an
Ark In fear and trembling Noah took the plans and agreed to
build the Ark.

"Remember" said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and
bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and
all the seas of the earth went into a tumult.

The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping.
"Noah", He shouted. "Were is the Ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me!", cried Noah. "I did my best, but there
were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and
your plans did not meet the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm
and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether
or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices.
Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances
by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from
the city planning commission. Then I had problems getting enough wood
for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the
Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed
the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't
let me catch any owls. So, no owls. The carpenters formed a union and
went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National
Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I started
rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They
objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. Just when I got the
suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without
filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct
of the Creator of the universe. Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded
a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe. Right now, I am
trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity
Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless,
unbelieving people aboard. The Internal Revenue Service has seized my assets, claiming I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid
paying taxes. I just got a notice from the State that I owe them some kind of
user tax and failed to register the Ark as a "recreational water craft". Finally, the American Civil Liberties Union got the courts to issue an injunction
against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore, unconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five or six years." Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to
calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully.
"You mean you are not going to destroy the earth Lord?"
"No", said the Lord sadly. "I don't have to. The government already has".

Author Unknown

If Noah lived in the United States today.


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